No love from Costa ! (20/05/2011)

WRONG!

                               Anyone who have had  coffee at Costa Coffee will surely appreciate the size of a regular cup. Its so big that the large ones  are more like a small bucket of coffee! You can buy a large and take a bath in case there is water cut in your area ( read South Bombay).Gross!
                               I had gone to their outlet at Phoenix Mills, Lower Parel about a month ago and  a very  particular situation presented itself. The place was packed and I had managed to get myself a small table.The system in this place is that you have to give your order at the counter inside and then the waiters will bring your orders at your table. Now, since I was alone, I knew the moment I leave the table someone or the other is going to pounce on this 'khali' table. I can already see hyena type looks from fellow coffee drinkers that says the unsaid " You  move you ass and your carcass is gone! " . Hmmmm.............interesting situation!

                                Anyway, after the fifth  SOS hand wave, one of the waiters finally came. I requested him to take the order at the table after explaining the situation to him. He simply and indifferently  told me to give the order at the counter. He even assured me that no one will take the table - so much for Mr. Smartypants and his training. I had no choice but to go to the counter where I talked and explained my situation to Mr. one position up Sadarjee, behind the counter . He was very polite with his trained "Customer is always right' smile  but no solution was forthcoming from this counter either- bad training or bad genes,I couldn't tell ! While all this was going on I saw the table being occupied by the already described fellow coffee drinkers. At this point of time I was not even concerned  about the table but wanted  Mr. Sadarjee to acknowledge that  the system needs improvement. No such luck!
Guess, at Costa you just can't buy your coffee and drink it too!

(PART-I )How to make the 'worst' of your investment. ( posted 07/05/2011)

                      

Yesterday was a disappointing day for me for quite a few reasons.

One of the main reason was my visit to KotakMahindra Insurance office. I have been putting aside Rs. 2,500/- every month for the last three years in one of their 'insurance/mutual fund/confusing banking jargon'  scheme. Their agent, at that time three years ago informed /lectured me on what a good investment option they are offering. He came armed with comparative charts, graphs, figures, nicely drafted form, along with the bad habit of sticking his finger up his nose once in a while while explaining .Well, not being the type of person who have the patience for money to show up after many years I resisted, mustering all that I have learned......but he went  rambling on and on without any respite nor mercy, this rendition of "Mahabharata" of investment and had almost started going to the intricate details like "The Adventure of Arjuna", " The Appetite of Bhima" and  " The Honest life of Yudhisthira-wink&glint etc). My defenses collapsed and then crumbled further till finally I begged him to stop and hurriedly signed the documents.( flash back - Gorbachev-Yeltsin power transfer episode)  After he left, I had a glass of cold water and poured some on my head and sat down for five minutes.

          Corny jokes and bad grammar aside, the way I figured, I thought after 3 years on an investment of  Rs.90,000/- ( 36 x Rs. 2,500/-), I should be OK if it didn't do so well as promised and I end up with a worst case scenario of about Rs. 1,10,000/- (which one can expect from any bank safely I believe). So far so good.

         But wait, Life and Investments, it seems is not without its downs and downs turns. I was informed  by the gentleman in the counter on the procedure of closing this portfolio and also said that the market value of my investment is now ...."GONG..NG...NG "....(Loud chinese reverberating bell sound indicating opponents can start killing each other!)   about a whooping...Rs.65,000/-!!!!! ........hey, wait a moment.....this doesn't seem right..............my expectant smile gave way to a strong  reaction of anger, disappointment, I need to kill someone right now kind of feeling all mixed at the same time. However,it appears that this kind of rare complex human reaction is not new to this man behind the counter..........he was calm and composed and he understood and agreed to all my rapid outbursts and reasoning.........at the end I told him that I need to scream to someone with a higher salary structure like a manager or someone............he also understood that and told me that I had to come on Monday for that as the Managers have gone for some meetings. At the end, he also informed me that he had invested on the same fund and had lost money............ hmmmm.....poor chap or clever ploy? (wink!)

          Anyway, I left the office, had a small quarrel with the parking guy on the way and drove back home in a rather resigned mode .............but later through the night I couldn't help but wonder "How did this happen?" After pondering for a while I think, I know what might have happened here. This gives perfect explanation on how my money have become Rs.65,000/- from Rs.90,000/- in 3 years. The series of (unfortunate?) events leading to this very result.................... to be cont.... ( next post)

****wink&glint - ref. " how i met your mother"

( PART II) "How to make the 'worst' of your investment , revealed! " ( posted on 07/05/2011)

One find day, a group of people came together, smiling in anticipation for they are about to come up with a wonderful idea.

for representation purpose and for your own good only!

They were very qualified and were dressed very impressively. They also talks very nicely and smoothly ( this is taught as part their training for becoming qualified or for becoming over qualified ). They also eat their lunches on time.......everyday. 

One fine and glorious day they met for a discussion in a big room which looks something like this ( below)

                     

During the meeting they came up with a wonderful idea involving collecting money from ignorant and slightly greedy public looking for good returns. It was a win win situation for all, the qualified people,their employees, and the slightly greedy ignorant public, particularly in this order. After, the meeting they congratulated each other by saying "you are the man," dialogue many times over. It went on very well and they all had lunch on time.

Accordingly, they took up office space maybe somewhat like the one above, started  hiring people and went on to execute the grand idea, that of making money for everyone- the qualified people, their employees and the slightly greedy ignorant public, particularly in this order.

After three years of hard-work involving lot of brain work from the qualified and over qualified people, lot of donkey work from the employees and lot of money from the slightly greedy ignorant public, the whole team  managed to do something which this chap below can do in 15 minutes just by using its jaw/mouth!

that of reducing my Rs.90,000/- to Rs. 65,000/- !  

My long overdue LASIK surgery may have to wait.

I wonder if they can do one eye at a time?

Well, I know this may not be true for all such investment but as the saying goes,

" If you do what other people don't like you to do, then you must allow them a little ill humour." LOL!

TRINGGGGG.....TRINGGGGG.......

My service provider is  'Reliance Communications' .

One fine day, on their own, they decided to give their customers some freebies in the form of free ringtones! Of course I became aware of this much later as one does not have a habit of ringing themselves up!

When I found out I called their helpline and explained to the nice lady on the other end that I want to be put back to my normal 'tring tring' ring-tone. She then advised me to activate  'DND' (Do Not Disturb!) through SMS from my phone but also said it will take 45 days for this to be deactivated due to procedures. I begged her with folded hand ( Not an easy task when you are holding the phone too !) to take the ring-tone out but she couldn't help

I was left cursing and murmuring to myself with with the prospect that whenever my clients call me up for some serious business they will be greeted by the popular bollywood (Hindi) no " DEKHA HAI PEHLE BAAR, SAAJAAN KA ANKHEN MEIN PYAR........"
( somewhat like " vous le vous coucher avec moi..." ringtone for a business call - not the literal translation though! - this for our french readers  )

 (Afterthought - hmmm.....but  may be true for a certain type of business ! )

This Happened a long time ago  but  Just remembered this!

I tried calling my own number just now just to check! 

So far so good.

found this related newspaper item amusing........

Policewale badnam hue oh darling tere liye...

Top cop catches constables using raunchy songs as ring tones, issues circular banning them

Deeptiman Tiwary

Posted On Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 03:14:58 AM

Mumbai police have unwittingly become victims of moral policing by their superiors. And a certain Sheila and her peer Munni are to be blamed. On Tuesday, a circular was issued by the commissioner of police banning "item numbers" or "vulgar songs" as ring tones on mobile phones used by policemen. for full story......  http://www.mumbaimirror.com/index.aspx?page=article&sectid=15&

the TATA DOCOMO incident: ( 04-04-2011)

I have a pre paid number of TataDocomo as my backup number. 

During the Cricket World Cup, I had received a rather friendly sounding SMS with unfriendly content. 

It says " Hi, you have been subscribed to Cricket Updates.You are charged Rs. 5/- per day. To unsubscribed please dail 12345( i think)

Then the updates began, an SMS every 5 minutes or so! In a couple of hours my inbox was full and the SMSs which stated the score had  to be erased  to make room for SMSs which mattered to me.

I tried calling 12345 where the voice activated menu instructed me to press 01 and the 02 etc., finally coming to 05 to unsubscribe. I heave a sigh of relief and pressed 05 but then the response was " this facility cannot be activated at this time due to technical reason". Wow! that's convenient! Is this department run by a bookie or what? This is not fair, its plain cheating! 

Having read about the TATA brand and the great JRD Tata, I have always regarded the TATA brand with integrity and fairness in business. But something seems to have changed over the years ( have experience other incidents too ). Whether it was their partnership with DOCOMO ( on this one) or the sheer size that make it almost impossible to manage,I don't know. 

I was clearly not very happy about this and also the fact that they do a lot of voice and SMSs telemarketing.Just imagine when you are expecting an important call and you receive a call made by a machine - you can't even scream back!

So, what did I do then? 

I started deleting the SMSs in batches, But it kept on coming..................and would not go away, just like the shit in the 'Comode' which refused to be flushed!

original post at 
http://dro-life.blogspot.com/